Not Needed But Valued

man wearing white shirt holding out hand in front of woman in white lace top
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Last week I dabbled in the idea that we need to question ourselves on our motivations of being needed by others.  Do we do it to satisfy our own desires to look needed and fill voids within ourselves or do we do it to actually meet the needs of the world around us?  Before you read on please check out my previous blog post.

Today I want to think about the flip side of what is always needed by every person with a heart beat.

After my blog post from last week I felt like a followup was required.  When we let go of needing validation by feeling needed by others it comes hand in hand with realizing what the world otherwise needs from us constantly.  It’s not about making people feel good all the time or to only give what is needed only when help is asked of you.  It’s about relentlessly doing what you can to elevate the good.  I’m not among those with the greatest wisdom in literally all subjects touching this issue (I just talk a lot) but I do feel compelled to comprehend what it means to truly fulfill need in a manner of pure intent that authentically is well for the soul.

What if truly helping others without bias, favoritism and out of the sincerity to love starts with being intentional with seeing the value of people.  Can you make a career out of valuing people?  Not always but you can value people despite of the condition of your relationships, vocational satisfaction and all the other big ones that keep us blinking at the ceiling at night.  It goes along with that incredible statement to “Do good anyway”.

A fine example of someone who relentlessly seeks to see the value of people is my mother.  She owns a fine dining establishment with which there’s incredible success and yet the struggles that are inherent with owning a small business; and a predominant challenge is dealing with people.  I can easily look at her and make my judgments of how I “could do it better” or “solve that problem” but unlike my mother I’m the one who isn’t in the arena (please check out Theodore Roosevelt’s except titled “The Man in the Arena” to better understand that reference).  As a small business owner in the dining industry she sees staff depart unexpectedly and without notice despite of her effort to create an excellent work environment.  On the other hand most of her staff have a pitbull-like loyalty to her as a boss and declare they’ve never been treated with a higher caliber of respect comparing to hers.  I’ve often looked at her and observed what it is that makes her magnetic as an employer.  What I’ve realized that she is unrelenting with seeing the good in people and finding value despite of failings.  Though she might have a dishwasher unexpectedly not show up and she has to jump in to bridge the gap during the dinner rush she never stops in seeing good in people.  My knee jerk response would be say that there’s no good to be seen in that person anymore for screwing over the evening.  She chooses to “do good anyway” though she knows that again she will have to deal with the same struggles of people tomorrow.  She has a humility and recognition for why people walk broken and how their brokenness acts out.  Throughout her growing years she had to survive the broken road which raised her into loving people relentlessly.  She’s the energizer bunny in always finding the good and seeing the value.

There’s few people like my mother.  Few who maintain a high view of people and fill the need to recognize others value.  I think we all can easily value people who don’t hurt us and discard the ones who do.  We make little space for being needed by those we feel don’t deserve us (and you have to create boundaries for these kinds often).  What if we can’t give up on seeing value?  What if that’s how we always can fill one of the many needs of our broken world?  It starts with your spouse, children, workplace and community.  When we think about how we can’t stop seeing the good it’s an impossible mountain to climb but one we must if we’re to love people the way we’re called to love them.

This might all sound superfluous when you have real people who are difficult, uncooperative and aggravating to manage in life.  But it’s on you to not forget that they have a profound purpose by being alive and even if you can’t change the condition of their behavior/character you can choose to maintain your own by seeking the good within them.  To improve the condition of the world you must start how you inherently choose to perceive it.

Fill the need by speaking good into others.  Authentically find the unique way they’re called to fill the gap and find to opportunity to tell them of it.  People don’t respond to critical words a fraction as well as they do to being praised.  Give them something to aspire to by recognizing when they’re doing their best.  You don’t have to flatter but open your eyes to what they offer.  Try this in your relationships and see what happens.  Aspire to be someone who makes others well by seeing the light in them.

Thank you for reading the rambling,


Author: sara1990mt

I value reflection on the lessons learned from fly fishing and seek parallels drawn with my experiences in marriage, relationship and navigating life as the woman I am. Fly fishing is a gift I enjoy sharing with others and encouraging them to enjoy it as much as I do. My stories are simple and my candor isn't always eloquent but if you can relate to life as I do than I hope you enjoy.

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