We’ve all been in those moments of staring at the ceiling at night with a heightened heart rate wondering “what the hell is this all going to look like for me in six months?”. If you’ve never had that moment I’ll purchase whatever snake oil you’re selling to make it so for myself.
For me, these moments do occur about every six months or so often as a result of the seasonal work life that my spouse and I have. We have lived in Yellowstone National Park for six months and then we have to reset what life looks like in the off season. This summer is the third one for me where we have done this and I have yet to conquer the panic that comes with November as our seasons conclude. I have the question reoccur which is along the lines of “what’s going to happen now?”.
Recently in my daily readings that consist of biblical text, C.S. Lewis and others I have been seeing the theme of what it looks like to keep your goals simply for what the day will bring. The prayer on my heart lately has echoed one we’ve all heard one way or another which is “just give me today my daily bread”.
If you don’t pray that’s cool, don’t count yourself out of the conversation yet. I attempt to avoid being esoteric with the content I dump out there for the world to read.
Anyways, back to bread. I’m often overwhelmed by questions of if I’m where I’m called to be and if we’re doing the best we can with what we have. If I had a crystal ball where I could see the next steps to take to have the lives we want I’d use the snot out of it but it’s not available on Amazon yet. I want to know what exactly we need to do and I want it to be easy, convenient and without risk or question. I want to have it be epic without the fear.
Keep dreaming right?
What I realize not by my own brilliance but rather with the help of filling my cup with reading, listening and being honest with my dear husband is that by wasting emotion on my conjectures of what six months down the road looks like is causing me to miss the value I can add to today. If I’m not aware I can miss the chance to do something good with the moment I have and that the future despite our best efforts is but a roll of the dice sometimes.
Not to discredit planning, believe me I love to plan. We have hopes and dreams for the family we’ll have and the home we’ll build together but I also know that if I’m not careful that all my joy can be cashed into things that could possibly not be what’s in store for us. My joys can’t to stored just in the hopes of things that have yet to be.
Despite of where you land with prayer or whether or not you think there’s someone out there bigger than us I think we can all use what it means to say “just give me my daily bread” to remember that we can’t control what tomorrow looks like. What we can control is our desire to grow in our discipline and our character to prepare us for what tomorrow is gonna dish onto our plates. The fear for what whatever it is weighing upon you can maybe be outweighed by what you can do now with the tools you have to love your family well, to do your work well, and to be the friend you need to be.
I’m not a deeply intellectual person and will never assume to be but maybe the issue of what it means to be satisfied with what you can do with the present doesn’t need to be a deep discussion. What if you can trust that if you do the best with what you need to do today that tomorrow will take care of itself by doing that all over again. Keep having your dreams and hopes for the future but maybe what faith looks like in action to get there is to simply give what you can to the moment you’re in.
Thank you for reading this and I hope you can sleep good tonight knowing you did what you could today.